You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
