On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
