Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
