Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
