I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
