maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
