Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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