No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
