hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
