I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
