I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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