During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
