dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
