she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
