He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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