I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
