Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
