There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
