I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
