Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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