I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
