so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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