last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
