yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
