he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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