I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
