he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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