hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
