"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
