And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
