I wish I could teleport
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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