Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
