theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
