I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
