Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
