It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
