I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
