I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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