I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Never underestimate the power of titties
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
