Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
