I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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