So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
