someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
