Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
not ubering you a puppy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
