if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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