we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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