Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
