I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
