She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
