If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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