Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
