Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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