There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
