how can u be prego again
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
